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Rickey's Voice
Hello there and welcome to Voices From Inside Parchman Prison. My name is Rickey Lynn Snelson, I've been in the Mississippi Department of Corrections nearly ten years with six of those years being spent on death row, all of these years being in the Maximum Security Unit.
Loosing a loved one is the ultimate loss but when it's done in an act of violence it's devastating not just to the one who lost their loved one, but also to the person who was a part of the taking of an innocent persons life. I know as I was one of the people who was a part of the taking of an innocent persons life.
I can only imagine what a family must feel when they loose a loved one to an act of violence, the heart ache, pain, and suffering that they'll go through for years before they can even begin to deal with the loss of that loved one. The Christmas' and birthdays' that they will have to endure knowing that their loved one isn't going to be there to celebrate it with them. This is a loss that they'll live with for the rest of their lives.
My mother passed away in 1968, when I was two years old and my father left me and my older brother the same year and I haven't spoken to him since.
I wasn't raised in a very happy home, as I was sexually abused as a child and ran away from home when I was 13 to escape the abuse, because my family didn't want to believe me when I told them about the abuse. I lived on the streets, slept in bushes, hallways, cardboard boxes, where ever I could find a warm place to sleep for the night. I started using heroin intravenously at the age of 14 and did many other things that I'm not very proud of to survive on the streets as a kid. I'm not proud of my past life, but I don't let it get in the way of becoming a better person in life. I no longer look at life in the same way as I did many years ago, I no longer let things become a distraction to me. I love all people in a more general way, and specific way. I might not come out and tell someone that I love them but I do through my thoughts and prayers. I like trying to make sure I'm able to love everyone, family, friends, strangers and yes, even those who stand against me as an enemy. I've learned that you should always love people, love some actively, some with compassion, some with forgiveness, some distantly, some silently-whichever way is possible and sharing this love gives a lot of peace and fulfillment in life.
When I was first charged with this horrible crime I lost all contact with my family and haven't had any contact with them in the years that I've been locked up, and it hurts knowing that my family thinks I'm some kind of "monster" and that I should be locked away for the rest of my life. I didn't loose the life of a family member to an act of violence, but I lost my family due to an act of violence. The pain I've felt through the years has been devastating to say the least, having to stare at four walls, lonely even to the point of tears at times, crying and noone to care, wanting hugs, to give hugs, care and be cared about, but there's just absolutely noone.
I understand people better now, when I was younger I just wasn't around people enough to get to understand the emotions of others, now I understand the hearts of others, knowing their potential to grow in wholesome ways, to be able to give love without expecting anything in return. Remember Jesus said from the cross "Forgive them, for they know not what they are doing." People who can't show love without expecting something in return are no different then the ones who crucified Jesus. If they knew the ways of the spirit they wouldn't do what they are doing. Because they would know that they are only creating negative karma for themselves.
I don't blame anyone for my problems as I was the one who made the decisions that I made, I chose to do what I ddi and now I have to pay for my actions. I don't hold any hard feelings towards my family or "friends". Now , that is. I did when I first came to prison as I blamed everyone but myself for my problems but with the help of people that I've met sense coming to prison, they've helped me mature in a lot of ways, giving me love and support, giving me a shoulder to cry on when I'm feeling down, giving me words of encouragement. Letting me know that there is someone who cares about me as a person and not judging me for what I've done in my past. This is what has helped me make it through the years I've spent on death row, not knowing if I was going to be executed or not, bringing me into their homes and lives (through letters), sharing their love with me and this has also helped me realize that everyone has need of love. When a total stranger takes the time out of their lives to sit down and write to a prisoner it magnifies the true meanings of love and forgiveness. When I receive a letter, card or photo from my friends it brings a smile to my face as I have to see the outside world thru someone else's eyes. The world that I live in is totally different then anyone can ever imagine unless they have experienced it first hand.
The loosing of a loved one to an act of violence is something that can never be forgotten, but it can be forgiven, forgiveness is the first step to recovery, not just for the family of the victim, but also for the person who took part in the senseless killing. I've lived with this every day of my life for the past ten years and I know there is nothing I can do to bring this person back. If I could, I would, but I can't so I have to move forward with my life. I have forgiven myself and have asked forgiveness from God, and I know I have this forgiveness from him. I just hope and pray that I have been forgiven by the victims family as well.
Rickey L. Snelson
78469 Unit 32 C
Parchman, MS 38738